


You're Getting Old

by TweekXCraig



Category: South Park, South Park RPF
Genre: Angst, Divorce, F/M, M/M, Swearing, Toilet humor, minor fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-19
Updated: 2016-10-19
Packaged: 2018-08-23 07:57:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8319997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TweekXCraig/pseuds/TweekXCraig
Summary: Everything in Craig's life was awful, except for Tweek. A one-shot based off of the episode You're Getting Old with Craig instead of Stan.





	

 

Craig sighed heavily as he thumbed through the menu, arms sticking to the laminate table tops at Ronny’s diner. He felt especially lonely when he kicked a foot out gently, expecting it to come in contact with a jittery leg and instead felt the booth opposite. Their typical waitress wandered up, pen and pad in one hand, steaming coffee pot in the other, staring quizzically at the empty booth across from Craig.

“All alone today?” she asked gently, setting the coffee on the table instead of automatically pouring the cup for Tweek like she normally did.

Craig sighed again, not looking from sympathy from a freaking waitress. “Yeah it sucks. My boyfriend is sick with the flu,” he explained, hoping she would get the hint and drop the pity party.

Her eyebrows crinkled like she didn’t believe him, but wasn’t going to press the subject any further.

“Well what can I get you?”

Craig felt a distinct annoyance with this woman. She didn’t have any right to judge him, he didn’t have to prove anything to her. He angrily flipped through the waxy pages of the menu, stomach churning in disgust at the usual diner fare options.

“Do you have anything on the menu that doesn’t taste like shit?” he snapped at her. If Tweek were here, his eyebrows would’ve done that adorable thing where they crinkle in shock before chastising him for his rudeness.

The waitress raised an eyebrow at him, her eyes narrowing in distaste. “A little young to be so pessimistic, aren’t ya kid?”

Craig’s fur bristled at that, how could no one else see what their society had come to? Why was everyone else so in denial about how awful the world was?

“Why?” he barked back, voicing raising an octave. “There's nothing but shit on TV, video games are all shit, and the world's a big turd. The only thing that doesn't seem like total shit to me is my boyfriend, and he’s sick. Just, get me a cheeseburger and tell the chef to go easy on the shit.”

Her mouth set in a fine line as she picked back up the cooling coffee and walked away. Craig sat with his arms crossed, slunk back in the booth, trying to calm himself. He looked out the window, glaring at all the stupid passerbys and their awful cheer about their awful world. His eye spotted a familiar shock of blonde hair and he straightened up, scooting towards the window with a look of absolute disbelief and the beginnings of hurt on his face.

Sure enough, there was Tweek and Cartman’s asshole gang walking by, completely missing Craig’s face in the window staring at them as they passed. He slid himself back out of the booth and practically ran out of the diner, pumping his long legs to catch up to them further down the block. His heart twinged uncomfortably as he watched Tweek’s eyes light up at something Kyle was saying, face splitting into a smile and letting that melodic laugh bubble up. He never made Tweek look like that anymore. He slowed when he was right behind them, stifling his labored breathing. He tried to catch his breath before saying anything to minimize the look like he chased them down the street. He was trying to not look more pathetic than he was about to.

He picked up on the tail end of their conversation, Tweek’s beautiful laugh gracing the morning air, “I know! That was hilarious!”

Craig’s eyes narrowed, only he should be able to make Tweek that happy. He made a mental note to kick Broflovski’s ass later for looking so happy and proud to make Tweek laugh.

“I thought you were sick!” he blurted out, stomach threatening to spill out onto the pavement if he had to watch anymore of this.

He watched the boys all turn around, uncomfortable looks of shock on their faces. They all glanced among each other silently, discomfort bleeding off of them before looking at Tweek, obviously waiting for him to speak up.

After another moment of this uncomfortable stand off, when it was clear that the now jittering Tweek wasn’t going to say anything, Cartman cleared his throat.

“Uh, we'll let you catch up to us, Tweek. Come on, guys.”

He led the rest of his merry band of jackasses down the block and Craig saw red as Tweek looked back sadly. He took a menacing step towards his boyfriend, a serious thought of kicking his ass like he did before they got together crossing his mind.

“Dude, you totally lied to me!” he seethed at his traitorous boyfriend.

“No, _ack_! I didn't lie to you. _Gah_! I was um... _ah_ I felt better and then the guys called and said that they were doing something and _ack-“_ he sputtered and Craig almost felt bad for inducing this much anxiety in his recently calmed boyfriend. Almost.

“Where were you guys going?!” he demanded angrily, throwing his arms up.

“Alright, man,” Tweek dropped his eyes to the sidewalk, hanging his head in shame. “We were going to the movies.”

 “Why didn't you tell me?” Craig felt a foreign sting in the back of his eyes, making him furrow his eyes even more to combat it. “I wanna go to the movies.”

“Look, Craig, I-I just wanted to be able to go to the movies and enjoy myself, you know?” Craig’s eyebrows raised in disbelief, wishing Tweek had punched him in the stomach. Maybe that would have hurt less than the icy feeling washing down his spine, settling heavily in his stomach.

“I'm sorry but...” Tweek sighed heavily and finally made eye contact with him, “you're a bummer to be around. Everything is ‘ _that looks like shit’_ and, and ‘ _this is shitty!_ ’”

Craig’s expression melted into hurt and he swallowed thickly, trying to move the lump in his throat before he spoke. “You... don't wanna be around me?”

“Look dude, it's just one movie,” Tweek reasoned, shrugging like he hadn’t just broken Craig’s heart. “I wanna have a good time.”

“Please, Tweek, I can change my attitude. I promise. Let me go to the movies with you,” he begged softly and Tweek sighed, looking into his boyfriend’s watery blue eyes. He studied his face and felt his will cracking; Craig never got emotional and he hoped his boyfriend really meant it.

Tweek looked up at the sky for a minute and gave another heavy sigh before answering, “Okay. But you've gotta promise to not complain.”

“I won't say a word.”

They ended up going to the Bijou theater, a shitty choice, Craig thought sardonically. The boys had really wanted to see the X-Men: First Class, because had come out the night before. Craig judged by the way the theater was barely a fourth full that it had been a bad pick, Craig silently agreed with the empty seats, he thought the series was garbage too. Stan led them all to sit in the third row, a terrible spot to sit, Craig grumbled internally, he let his eyebrows furrow but quickly smiled when Tweek looked back at him.

“Fuck.” He mumbled to himself when they were all sitting, not looking forward to the movie at all.

They waited for what felt like a solid year, the other boys all laughing and talking, but Craig was still sulking from the earlier betrayal, one hand loosely holding Tweek’s, the other holding his head. His eyes narrowed as he listened to Kenny tell another joke, parka muffling the whole damn thing and ruining any humor it held. They were inside, why the fuck did he feel the need to have his hood covering his face like that? And how did anybody understand that stupid prick through the damn hood? It all sounded like was a guy talking into his hand to Craig. Cartman found the joke especially funny and let out his cackle, banging the arm of the seat as he wheezed. Craig rolled his eyes and fought the urge to flip him off.

“Jesus, how long before they start this goddamned thing?!” he cried out. Tweek shot him a warning glare and squeezed his hand once.

As if on cue, though, the lights went down and the screen expanded to signal the start of the previews.

“Oh cool, the movie trailers!” Cartman exclaimed. Craig rolled his eyes again, of course that fatass thought something as boring as movie trailers was a cause for excitement.

He took his hand back from Tweek to cross his arms, ignoring Tweek’s look to him once again and prepared himself for the shitstorm that was looming before him.

The first trailer began and he clenched both hands, immediately regretting his decision to tag along.

“Adam Sandler is Jack. Adam Sandler is Jill.” The announcer blared.

Craig’s eyes bulged in shock as the screen showed Jack and Jill standing near a well. Jill pulled down her pants and began pooping on Jack before they laughed and both transformed into massive turds.

“Awww God!” he cried out and squeezed his eyes shut before covering them with both hands to protect him from the vile imagery.

“Dude, you said you wouldn't say everything looked like shit!” Kyle yelled from further down the row.

“Sorry if I see things for what they are!” Craig snapped at him, lip curling in disgust at the stupid asshole. Tweek gave him a look and he took a deep calming breath. “Ok- okay, okay, I'm sorry.” He put his hands up in surrender before re-crossing them and glaring at the screen again, waiting for the next godawful trailer.

The screen showed a toilet bowl spewing out shit as the announcer cheerfully yelled, “This November, Adam Sandler shits in your eyes, ears, and mouth.” The next scene were disembodied eyes, an ear, and a mouth are shown separately, and poop landing on each of them. “It's Adam Sandler in _Pbbbbbt,_ rated Arg for pirates. Fuck you!”

“That looks pretty good.” Stan commented and Craig’s eyebrows raised in complete disbelief.

“How can you say that looks good?!” he cried in shock.

“Shhh, you're doing it again!” Tweek complained.

The third trailer was the worst yet as it the announcer continued happily pouring shit onto them. “Jim Carrey has a bunch of turds in his apartment.” The turds all danced around and made awful noises and Craig could barely take it as he held up his hands to shield his eyes from this shit.

“Ugh.” He gagged.

“Dude, knock it off!” Kenny’s stupid muffled voice drifted down to him and he got even angrier.

“But it's just crap.” He argued back.

“No, they're penguins! Stop it!” Tweek yelled, throwing his arms up in exasperation.

The screen continued to show shots of Carrey carrying two turds, slipping on another turd, then taking a crap while two turds looked on. “It's Jim Carrey in Whatever, You'll Pay To Go See It. Fuck you! July 12.”

The next barrage of shit started immediately with, “The President of the United States... is a duck??” The duck popped up and opened its beak, which issues forth lots of shit. “A duck is President and the whole country is goin' to the dogs.” Two dogs are shown and one of them has his ass to the camera, and it began to poop. “Or whatever, the President is a dog.” The dog and duck now stood before a U.S. flag “Who cares? Coming June something.” A bunch of poop hit the scene, landing on the dog and duck and spelling out "JUNE".

Craig sat with his eyes bulging and mouth gaping in complete disbelief, checking down the row to see if everyone else was just as shocked but the rest of the boys were sitting calmly watching the trailers as if the movie industry hadn’t just literally shit on their lives. “Oh come on, people!” he screamed, fed up entirely.

“That's it, man!” Tweek screamed back, seemingly fed up. “I'm not sitting through a whole movie with you!”

He hopped out of his seat, angrily storming to the exit. The rest of the boys shot him dirty looks, before jumping down and following his boyfriend out of the theater.

“Oh dude, Tweek, wait, I'm sorry.” He cried out as he tried to salvage their movie day.

Stan stopped on the stairs towards the exit, and looked back at him angrily, “No, Tweek's right. You suck, dude.”

Craig’s temper flared and he screamed back, “Me?! Did you see that shit?!”

He finally caught up to them on the sidewalk outside, The Bijou. They were all walking in the direction of their neighborhood, spirits much lower than on their way to the movie.

“Tweek!” Craig called out, silently begging for one more chance to fix this.

Cartman turned around, usual nasty expression in place as his fat face blubbered, “Dude, he doesn't wanna hang out with you anymore! Get it through your head!”

The rest of his stupid gang stormed away with him and he hadn’t been happier all day as he watched their retreating figures continue along the sidewalk. Tweek still stood, though, facing them, shoulders shaking with what Craig assumed was unbridled rage.

“Tweek?” Craig’s voice softened and he reached out put a gentle hand on his shoulder, feeling guilt about his behavior.

Tweek finally turned around, flinging his hand off and Craig’s breath caught at the expression on his face. His eyes were fiery with tears welling up and he pointed a shaky, accusatory finger at Craig, “You've... you've changed.”

“I haven't changed, the world has. Don't you see it?” Craig cried out, willing his boyfriend to take his side in this.

“No.” Tweek stated firmly, taking a step back and crossing his arms as he stared harshly into Craig’s eyes. “And I don't want to.”

They stood facing each other in this awkward stand off, neither willing to admit guilt or defeat until finally Tweek sighed and seemed to huddle in on himself. He caught Craig’s eyes again, tears threatening to spill over again as he began speaking in a softer tone.

“Look, man, maybe we should take a break-“ His words were interrupted though as shit started coming out of his mouth and spewing all over the place. Craig’s eyes bulged and he blinked hard before opening them again but Tweek he had turned into a huge turd. Craig’s subconscious reminded him thought that this wasn’t really happening. This was just how he thought of him now. The last thing in his life that wasn’t awful had just turned into shit like everything else. He had nothing left to say and turned away from Tweek, heading off in the opposite direction of the way Cartman’s gang had gone. Behind him, he heard Tweek stop talking and soft footsteps carrying the last thing that had made him happy away from him.

Later that night, Craig couldn’t sleep. The numb icy feeling that had been sitting in his lungs all day kept his mind racing and he threw back his covers, sitting up and letting out what felt like his millionth sigh that day. Maybe water would be good, he thought, and jumped out of bed to head downstairs.

He stopped on the stairs when he heard raised voices and retreated a little further up to sit at the top, so he was hidden but could still eavesdrop. It wasn’t uncommon for his family to fight but he knew if he interrupted now then he would be on the receiving end of their frustration. It wasn’t like it mattered much, everything and everyone was too shitty for him to care about getting banned from.

“You don't get it, Laura! You never have! And that's supposed to be my fault?!” he heard his dad scream out.

“Yes, it _is_ your fault, Thomas, because you're an ass!” his mother retorted and Craig rolled his eyes.

“I'm sick of everything I do being so wrong, Laura!”

His mother was too far away for the first part of her comeback to be heard but he caught the tail end of it, “You're 42 years old, Thomas, and you have nothing to show for it!”

“I'm not dead yet Laura, but you might be!”

Craig rolled his eyes and pictured his dad flipping off his mother at that comment.

“Oh is that what you think?! That I'm dead?!”

“Why can't you ever just support me?!”

“Support what?! Your life has nothing to support!”

“Face it Laura, our son turned 10 and you feel old!”

Craig wondered if everyone felt shitty when he turned ten then or if it was still just him.

“ _What_ does our son turning 10 have to do with you making the same mistakes again and again?!”

There was silence and Craig wondered if they had moved to the kitchen before he heard his father sigh while replying.

“Because I'm unhappy, okay?! I've been unhappy for a long time!” The fight had seemingly vanished from him and he sounded more defeated than anything.

“I'm unhappy too,” his mother said softly and Craig felt kind of like a deflated balloon. He thought if everyone else was unhappy, it would make him happy too, but he just felt worse. “We both are, obviously. How much longer can we keep doing this? It's like, the same shit just happens over and over and, then in a week it just all resets until- it happens again. Every week it's kind of the same story in a different way but it, it just keeps getting more and more ridiculous.”

“I don't know if I've changed or you have. I just feel like I might not have a whole lot of time left and... I want to enjoy it.” His dad explained.

“I want to enjoy it too, but... I can't fake it anymore. You just seem kind of shitty to me.”

“You kind of seem shitty to me too.” His dad agreed.

Craig definitely felt like crying right now and slunk slowly back to his room. The last thing he heard before he closed his door was his mother saying, “People get older, Thomas. People grow apart.”

The days that followed were easily the worst of his entire life. Nothing felt right and he was entirely alone. After school one day, he ended up at Stark’s Pond, sitting on the bench he and Tweek had shared their first kisses on, sitting with his head in his hands and beating down the urge to cry for the millionth time this week. His life had been nothing but an endless barrage of awful ever since he turned ten and wished he had a time machine to go back and be a stupid, happy, careless nine-year-old again. He wondered why people fantasized about growing up so much when the rest of your life just held a parade of shit.

In the reflection on the murky lake, he saw a familiar head of blonde, frazzled hair approach him from behind. He didn’t turn around, waiting for Tweek to make the first move. He half-hoped his ex-boyfriend would say something, half-hoped he wouldn’t. Secretly, he thought to himself, he would probably forgive him if he asked for it, just so he wouldn’t have to be so alone anymore. He could really use a friend right now. He knew Tweek knew that too, and that’s probably why the blonde boy came. He saw Tweek reach a hand up hesitantly and hover right behind his shoulder but let it fall back to his side. He could see worry on Tweek’s face before the lake rippled and the vision went wavy. Craig closed his eyes and when he opened them, Tweek was gone. He turned around and saw that he was alone again.

A week later, he sat in the kitchen, helping his mother organize plates and cups into boxes. His younger sister, Tricia, was playing with dolls in between emptying out cabinets for them. She thought this was exciting and didn’t understand that she was going to be taken away from life as she knew it, Craig thought cynically, wrapping a cup in newspaper before tossing it in the box with the others. His mother sighed and wiped her forward before uncapping the marker and writing ‘Kitchen – Silverware and Utensils’ on the box she had been filling and stacking it with the others. Craig looked out the window, seeing Tweek’s house across the street. His former companion was racing around in his WonderTweek costume, playing with Butters. His heart hurt as he remembered them laughing and smiling when they made those stupid costumes. He made a mental note to throw out his SuperCraig outfit when they packed up his room. They had been a duo. It was garbage to him now.

That night, when he was sitting on the edge of his bed, staring at the mountains of boxes as moving men entered and exited carrying out the heavy furniture before their departure tomorrow, he heard a soft knock on the doorframe of his room. He looked and saw his dad standing there, a grim smile on his face.

“Hey, champ. How you holding up?” he asked.

“Fine,” he said, not wanting to have this conversation.

It happened anyways, his dad sitting next to him and explained things like love and age and all of the wonderful things he had to look forward to when he got older. His dad promised they were still a family and that he and his mother still loved him the same and tried to cheer him up with promises of double-Christmas’ and birthdays. He didn’t say a word and his dad sighed and patted him on the back, as the moving men carried off his empty dresser.

The next morning he sat on his bare front porch, devoid of flower pots and welcome mats, staring at the too cheery sign in his front yard that held brief details of his home and a big red sticker proclaiming ‘SOLD!’ across it. He gave himself one last look at Tweek’s house, hoping to see a mop of blonde hair in one of the windows. Wishing he could say goodbye to his partner in crime.

The U-Haul his father was driving roared to life and he gathered his kids up for a brief goodbye, promising them he’d see them next weekend before disappearing down the street. Not long after, his mother was calling him and Tricia to get in the car to follow the moving truck to the next town over and away from everything he had ever loved. It just wasn’t fair, he thought. It was all gone.

Once he and he younger sister were buckled in and his mother was backing out of the driveway, for the first time since he turned ten, he let himself cry. He wiped his eyes quickly, wanting one last view of his home, his life as he had known it. His heart stammered when he saw that familiar mop of blonde hair running down the driveway as his mother slowly began heading down the street. He and Tweek made eye contact and he saw Tweek wave his arms, and yell ‘ _stop_!’ Craig knew that if he asked his mother to stop she would. Maybe he and Tweek would have a heartfelt reunion and they would cry and hug and mourn the time they wasted together before he moved. They would tearfully promise to keep in touch, and Tweek would swear he could help whatever was hurting Craig. They might have actually made it. Maybe he could have even been happy again.

But Tweek had turned his back on Craig when he needed him the most. That’s all he saw as he watched Tweek run after their car. Tweek hadn't needed him when Craig had needed him the most. He turned back around as his mother merged with the traffic heading out of town, and didn’t look back. He had already said his goodbye’s to Tweek. 

Maybe they would have made it, but that was then and this was now. He closed his eyes and didn’t open them again until their mother enthusiastically claimed that they were home.

Their new home was not a home in Craig’s mind. A home had an upstairs and a downstairs. Homes had backyards with fences and tree houses. Home’s had moms and dads and best friends that lived across the street. When he voiced this, his mother gently explained that plenty of families lived in apartments with only one parent and he would get used to it eventually. He laid on his mother’s bed, flat on his back while staring up at the ceiling, listening to Tricia running excitedly in and out of every room wearing a princess dress-up outfit and squealing about their surroundings.

When she finally calmed down, she pranced up to their mother and sat on the floor in front of her, watching her mother re-fold their clothes. She stared quizzically, head cocked to the side before looking around the room.

“What is it, Angel?” their mother asked, noticing her daughter’s confusion.

“When’s Daddy coming?” she questioned.

Their mother stilled and Craig sat up, sighing. At first, he was pissed that she didn’t understand what was happening, but deep down, he knew that she was just a stupid kid who didn’t know any better.

“C’mon, Trish, let’s go unpack your toys,” he said, trying his best to sound excited but he was having a hard time getting over their stupid apartment and even stupider situation.

The next day was his first day of school and everything felt so wrong. His mother started her new job and an old lady from downstairs came over in the morning to make them breakfast and get them ready for school. She was nice enough, but her waffles tasted like dirt and his mother packed them lunch instead of leaving them money to buy which was annoying. The old lady didn’t let them watch Red Racer while they got ready, which pissed him off, and she didn’t let him play with Stripe either. She could see the bus stop from the balcony of the apartment so instead of walking them down, she sat on the balcony and smoked. She also yelled at him whenever he let go of Tricia’s hand, which was humiliating. So now, he got to freeze his ass off at the bus stop instead of sitting inside his house and waiting for it to come right next to it, which sucked, holding his little sister’s hand who asked about a million questions about their new school, which he had no answers to.

The bus ride was long and the school was old and the teachers was mean and his classmates were annoying. He sat, listening to their nauseatingly average teacher, missing Mr. Garrison’s antics, and feeling his eyes automatically slide over to study the back of a familiar head of blonde hair. Instead, a brunette girl was there and she caught him staring, so she gave a shy smile and waved. She was shit, Craig summed up, and flipped her off in response.

Twenty minutes later and his ass was still being chewed out by his new principal. He blankly stared at him as he spewed threats and admonishments at Craig. Finally, he stopped and shooed Craig out of office to lunch, giving him the standard ‘You’re new here, so we’re letting this slide’ spiel. He peered into the cafeteria and saw his stupid new classmates eating their gross lunches and opted to sit at the computers in the library. He remembered Clyde saying something about Cartman’s gang of assholes starting up a stupid Youtube channel in some inane scheme for money and fame to Jimmy before he left. He found it relatively quickly, just typing Cartman and finding ‘CartmanBrahs’. He scanned the idiotic channel for any whisper of Tweek and didn’t have to look far, only three videos down was one titled ‘Tweek X Kyle STICK OF TRUTH Gameplay.’ He sighed and let the mouse hover before clicking on it and leaning back in the chair, watching through a cloud of judgement.

“Hey dudes! It’s Kyle Friday and I’m here today with our new friend, Tweek Tweak!” Broflovski’s stupid, ugly face flung shit at his eyes and ears and Craig considered smashing the screen just so he didn’t have to look at it anymore.

He watched the two play a stupid roleplaying game with elves and humans battling for a fucking stick and rolled his eyes so hard back into his head he’s surprised they weren’t stuck there for all eternity. Watching Tweek’s face in the little box in the corner of the screen, watching Kyle like he used to watch Craig, his gut sat like a stone in his body. He missed his best friend.

He watched though as they sat silently for a moment and his heart stopped a little when Tweek smiled softly and looked over at Kyle, the two of them sharing that gentle smile. He used to look at Craig like that.

Craig didn’t bother turning off the video, letting it go as he hopped off the chair and walked like a zombie back to his classroom. That was then and this was now.

That night, he laid in bed staring up at the ceiling. He’d let Tricia haphazardly stick the new glow stars his father had bought for him as a gift before they moved. He knew how much Craig had loved the ones in his old room and had watched sadly as his son scraped them off the ceiling before the open houses. In his old house, Craig had invited Tweek over for a sleepover one night and the two had spent hours placing them perfectly around the room, even sticking a few on Stripe’s cage. They had stayed up for hours, staring at the glowing stars and talking about nothing and everything.

Craig sighed and closed his eyes just so he didn't have to stare at them anymore. He didn’t like these stars nearly as much, they just looked like shit to him.

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of my favorite episodes and it continues into the next episode too, Ass Burgers. Also, mentions Stick of Truth video game, highly recommended for anyone who has never played it.


End file.
